


When My Heart Speaks Free

by stealthestars



Series: I Was Scared of a Heart I Couldn't Silence [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Tendou Satori, Chocolatier Tendou Satori, Christmas, Christmas love confessions, Emotional Sex, Enthusiastic Kissing, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous descriptions of how pretty Tendou is, Hickeys, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Proposals, References to past cheating, Tendou POV, Ushijima POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stealthestars/pseuds/stealthestars
Summary: This long distance relationship thing is much harder in practice than it had seemed in theory.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: I Was Scared of a Heart I Couldn't Silence [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049570
Comments: 16
Kudos: 168





	1. I'll Be Yours For the Weekend

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to just be a fun, lighthearted Christmas sequel to [And I’ve Been Silent For Too Long](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438082) and then it ended up just as long and just as emotional, whoops. If you haven't read the first part you'll want to go back and read that first or else a lot of the references in this fic won't make sense. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to write another part to Ushiten's international love affair. I'm definitely gonna keep going with this series! Chapter 2 will be up on Christmas Eve. (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
> 
> Chapter title from "Tis The Damn Season" by Taylor Swift, fic title from "Feel Good" by Gryffin, Illenium, Daya.
> 
> Enjoy and merry christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah, sometimes I need someone to pick me up,  
> Overdose my mind with the things I love.  
> You can take me there,  
> When my heart beats, when my heart beats free."

Ushijima hasn’t called yet. 

It seems like such a silly thing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things.

Then again, it _is_ Christmas Eve. So is it really that unreasonable for Tendou to want his boyfriend to pick up the phone or answer his texts? He hasn’t even read them yet according to the little notification on the app.

It’s only been a few months since they got back together and yet the Olympics seem like an eternity ago. By comparison, the three days Tendou had with Ushijima before he returned to Paris felt like only seconds. He hasn’t gotten to see him since then and that’s-

That’s fine. 

It’s not like Tendou didn’t know what he signed up for when he refused to let Ushijima move to France right away. 

Still, this long distance relationship thing is much harder in practice than it had seemed in theory.

He punches the last sale into his computer with perhaps a little more force than necessary and shoves the cash into the zip pouch to go into the safe at the back of the shop. 

“Anything else you need, boss?” Cami asks, already wearing her thick winter coat and boots. It’s been snowing since this morning and between that and the holiday he decided to send her home early and close the shop up himself tonight. 

“I was going to meet Rosa and go see the fireworks at the Tower.”

Offering her a tired smile, he waves a hand in her direction. 

“No, no. I can take care of the rest. Have a good Christmas, Cami-chan. Say hi for me,” he chirps, tucking the money bag up under his arm. She pauses for a moment, then leans in to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It takes him by surprise considering she’s never been much for physical displays of affection, but he accepts it without complaint. 

“Have a good Christmas too, Satori. Try not to stay cooped up inside the whole time, yeah?” she sighs, drawing back and straightening her jacket.

He’s gotten a little transparent in his old age apparently. Or maybe she just knows him that well. 

His smile is a little more genuine this time and he turns to head back into his office.

“I make no promises but I _will_ make an attempt.”

He goes purposefully slow as he starts to put away his shop displays, dragging seconds into minutes since there’s no one waiting on him to be finished. His phone remains silent throughout but Tendou checks it anyways, disappointed all over again when he sees the texts still go unread. 

He’s no doubt fast asleep by now. In fact, Ushijima would probably be getting up in a couple hours for his morning run. Tendou’s positive that he doesn’t miss it for a single day, not even on a holiday, so he’s sure to get a response eventually. 

He texts out a simple “Merry Christmas, Wakatoshi” and hits send before turning off his phone entirely. His boyfriend will see it when he wakes up and that’s okay. 

Ushijima has a lot to focus on right now with the start of the new season, on top of fielding numerous offers from other teams in Japan and abroad who saw his performance at the Olympics. It’s okay because Tendou is busy too. This time of the year is always when things go crazy with the shop, so he’s fine really if Ushijima doesn’t often have time to talk. The time difference has further complicated matters and restricts their availability for one another.

He really does understand that neither of them can just go gallivanting off halfway around the world on a whim. 

But maybe, just maybe, there had been a little, tiny, miniscule, fraction of a fraction of Tendou’s heart that held out hope that Wakatoshi would ask him about spending the holiday together, whether in Japan or in France Tendou honestly didn’t care.

Their first Christmas together since high school. Their first Christmas together as a couple again after too many Christmases spent alone.

Tendou locks the shop door behind him and steps out into the bitter chill a few hours later, snow crunching softly under his boots. It’s up to his ankles now and Tendou wonders how the fireworks viewers are faring as they wait for the show to start. 

It’s already pretty late, all things considered. He’d dragged his heels cleaning up the displays and putting the more temperature sensitive treats into the fridge at the back of the shop. Snow and dirt had been tracked all over his nice floors, which needed to be mopped. 

Perhaps if he had anywhere to be he’d have put more effort into getting it done quickly but he doesn’t, so. Why bother, right?

He considers just heading up into his apartment over the shop. It’ll be midnight soon and his bed is calling his name, along with that half full bottle of red still chilling in his fridge. 

His feet carry him away from that though and down the quiet, snowy road towards the nearby park. He goes there sometimes when the melancholy gets a bit much and he just needs to be alone for a while, and during the holidays it’s especially enjoyable to walk the path and admire the decorations and the lights. 

Surprisingly he seems to have the place to himself, though considering the snow and the late hour perhaps it actually isn’t. Everyone else has either gone to the Tower to see the enormous fireworks display or has cozied up in their beds with their families, waiting for Christmas morning to come. 

He brushes the snow off a bench and settles down next to one of the lit up trees, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he considers the last few months. Satori is the happiest he’s ever been in his life and yet… he’s sometimes also the saddest he’s ever been. 

It’s more painful than he ever thought, having to love Wakatoshi from afar. Somehow even more so than when he believed his feelings were one sided. That missing Wakatoshi had felt dull and soft. A constant simmering at the back of his mind that he could occasionally push away by filling his time with work. 

But this missing Wakatoshi has sharp teeth that dig into Tendou’s heart with every single beat until he almost wishes he could make it stop. 

And what’s worse is he can’t even tell if it’s the same for Ushijima. His partner is as stoic and even tempered as he ever is during their stolen phone calls. He’d been a terrible texter at the start, though he’s gotten better about remembering to answer Tendou in the recent weeks. 

But he never tells Tendou he misses him, and the few video calls they’ve been able to do have been fairly awkward. It’s a little like high school again where Tendou chatters and Ushijima listens quietly, and maybe he just wishes Ushijima would talk to him a little more. But their busy schedules and the time difference mean at least one of them is usually falling asleep by the time the video calls even start, so they never last very long. 

And Tendou knows, he _knows_ this is what he asked for when he refused to let Ushijima move back to France with him. That he has at, at minimum, another two and a half years of missed phone calls and short video chats and awkward texting before he might get to have his boyfriend all to himself.

It doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t make him miss Wakatoshi any less. 

He leans back into the bench and tips his head up, smiling faintly up at the snowflakes falling gently towards him. 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he tells them. They very unhelpfully do not respond. 

“Satori?”

Tendou blinks, then glances sideways to see who had spoken to him. 

Wakatoshi is standing at the opposite end of the picnic area, face red with the cold and eyes wild. He’s breathing hard and horribly underdressed for the snowy weather, a plain black bag slung over one shoulder. 

“Waka… toshi?” he replies numbly, not quite sure if he believes what he’s seeing. Had he fallen asleep? Was he so tired he was actually hallucinating?

They stare at one another for several long moments, frozen in time, and then-

“Satori? Why are you crying?”

Oh. 

He hadn’t even noticed.

Tendou’s out of his seat in an instant and walking towards Ushijima, silently begging any God that might be listening to let this be real. Wakatoshi starts forward the instant Tendou moves, first at a walk, and then they’re both running and Tendou doesn’t even hesitate to leap at him when he’s finally close enough, sending them both sprawling backwards into the massive snowbank piled on the grass beside the walkway. 

Snow explodes up around them in a chilly white cloud but Tendou doesn’t care because Ushijima hasn’t disappeared with it. Ushijima is still there on his back beneath him, wonderfully, beautifully, impossibly real. 

“How? _Why?_ ” he demands, shivering when Ushijima reaches up to cradle his face in his hands and wipe away fresh tears with freezing thumbs. Tendou’s heart is pounding a staccato rhythm against his rib cage and he wonders if Ushijima can hear it in the stillness that surrounds them. Snow seeps into their clothes completely unnoticed. 

Ushijima closes his eyes for a moment as if to gather his thoughts and when they open again Tendou feels his breath stolen away by the burning intensity smoldering inside of them. 

“I missed you and I just… needed to see you.” 

When Tendou kisses him it tastes like snow and salt. They kiss again and again until one melds into the other and they just lie there in the snow drift, lazily licking into one another’s mouths like they’re still curled up in Ushijima’s hotel room, realizing all over again that they have the rest of their lives to be together.

They’re both shivering when Tendou finally draws back and he carefully slides back to allow Ushijima room to sit up, reaching out to thread his fingers into wet brown hair. It still feels so unreal that he’s even here and Tendou supposes this explains why his text messages have gone unanswered all day.

“How did you find me?” he asks softly, closing his eyes when Ushijima nudges their foreheads together. He can feel his breath against his face and it’s tempting to push him back down for another desperate kiss but there’s a part of him that’s achingly curious to know the answer.

“I had the address for your shop. I went there first but it was dark, and you didn’t answer the door when I knocked at your apartment. I tried calling you but your phone kept going to voicemail. Then I remembered you telling me about a park near your place that you visit when you want to be alone, so I looked it up on my phone and hoped if I just kept walking I’d eventually find you along the pathway.” His voice is soft and steady, as if he’s just explaining how he gets to the gym in the morning and not an epic, romantic adventure to find Tendou on Christmas Eve based solely on his memory of something Tendou told him one time weeks ago.

“I was supposed to arrive a lot earlier in the day. I wanted to surprise you, but there was bad weather in Moscow and my connecting flight was delayed, and then the snow here meant the plane had to circle a few times while a runway was cleared for us to land, and pretty much everything that could go wrong went wrong,” Ushijima sighs, sliding his arms around Tendou’s waist and hitching him closer.

Tendou surprises both of them by laughing, turning his head and burying his face in Ushijima’s shoulder to muffle himself as he positively giggles like a gleeful child. He hasn’t been ignoring him all day. He’d been traveling to him. 

What an idiot he’s been. Are they still that bad at communicating with each other?

When he finally peters himself out he sits up straight again, using the damp sleeve of his jacket to try and wipe the tears from his cheeks. Ushijima watches him with patient olive eyes, clearly not understanding what’s going on but allowing Tendou to work through whatever he needs to process. 

Satori falls in love all over again.

“I miss you too. Every single day,” he murmurs, shuddering when Ushijima’s arms tighten around him. 

The temptation to fall back into the snow bank and make out some more is heady, but Tendou can’t feel his legs and he decides it’s probably time to get off the ground. He clumsily hauls himself to his feet and helps Ushijima up as well, wincing when he sees how soaked they’ve both gotten.

They should probably just go back to his place and into something warm and dry, but there’s another, more urgent thought that manages to supersede that one. He takes Ushijima’s hand and tugs him back onto the walkway, excitement buzzing under chilled skin. 

“Come with me somewhere quick?” he asks, and Ushijima must sense that whatever this is it’s important to Tendou because he nods and allows himself to be led further down the path. 

It’s not much further to get to the center of the park and Tendou grins when he sees the soft white glow of the tree lights shining up in front of them. It’s the most beautiful part of the park and Tendou likes to come and visit it after work sometimes when things are dark and quiet and he doesn’t have to be On for another person. 

“Everyone’s over at the Tower waiting for the fireworks to start,” he murmurs, coming to a stop in front of the enormous Christmas tree. It’s bedecked in silver tinsel and bells, dripping with ornaments that people had made and hung from the many branches. Snow has draped itself over the tree like a blanket, but the heat from the lights wrapping around it has melted it through in places and just adds to the holiday aesthetic in Tendou’s opinion.

He keeps his hold on Ushijima’s hand and just stands there with him, silently admiring the tree. Tendou hadn’t gotten around to decorating his apartment this year and now that his boyfriend is actually here with him he feels sort of bad about it. It’s been a little difficult finding the time or the motivation when he believed he’d be spending it alone again. 

“Satori,” Ushijima murmurs, turning towards him. The tone of his voice makes Tendou smile nervously and he pointedly looks away towards the tree to avoid meeting Ushijima’s gaze. 

“Why so serious, Wakatoshi-kun? It’s Christmas, let’s go back to the apartment and have a little fun!” He forces out a laugh and takes a step back, only to find himself yanked forward into a crushing embrace against Ushijima’s chest. Tendou is vividly reminded of Tokyo and being in this exact same position, but this time he doesn’t struggle to get away. 

It’s easy to melt into Ushijima’s body and let him hold Tendou close. To allow himself to be cherished as the brunette cradles a palm against his cheek and tips Satori’s head back so he’s looking up into Ushijima’s face. He’s missed him so much these past few months it almost doesn’t feel real that he’s here right now. 

“Satori,” Ushijima sighs, tracing his thumb along the line of Tendou’s cheekbone. “Why were you crying when I found you?” 

Tendou would give anything in the world to evaporate on the spot. 

“It’s stupid, really. Nothing to worry your pretty head over, Wakatoshi,” he tries to tease, but the joke falls flat when Ushijima’s brows furrow together. Ushijima’s grip on him means he can’t run away this time, or look anywhere else except his face. Tendou absently notes he’s gained a small smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose since the last time he saw him this close. He really should be more careful about how much time he spends in the sun. 

“I missed you.”

The words escape his mouth before he can choke them down and now that they’ve been said he can’t stop the rest that follow. Weeks of bottled up anxieties that he’s worked so hard to keep from his tired and overworked boyfriend. 

“I missed you so much, and you hadn’t called me, and you weren’t answering my texts, and it’s Christmas and it’s just been so hard to find time to talk now that the new season has begun that it made me feel insecure and I just… I just wanted to hear your voice,” he whispers, swallowing thickly around the growing lump in his throat. Ushijima is still staring intently down at him but his expression has softened into something that almost looks like regret. 

“But your phone went straight to voicemail all day… And it’s dumb because you’re here now and I was just being foolish and I knew from the start that this would be hard but it’s _so_ hard, Wakatoshi. I miss you so much all the time and I can’t even tell if you miss me back because you never tell me what you’re thinking.”

There. It’s done. He really said it. It’s almost a relief, finally getting it all off his chest. He closes his eyes tight to avoid seeing Ushijima’s reaction and he flinches when Ushijima pulls away from him, leaving him standing there cold and alone. That’s it, then. He’d fucked up. He’d selfishly doubted his boyfriend’s feelings for him when he’d come all this way just to see Satori, and now he’s gone and ruined this for both of them. After only a few months, too. 

“Satori.”

He twitches when he hears his name but keeps his eyelids screwed shut, curling his fingers into the front of his jacket in a desperate attempt to ground himself. 

“Satori. Please.” 

The first boom of a firework is what startles Tendou into opening his eyes, and what’s before him isn’t something he would have seen coming in a million years. 

Ushijima is down on one knee with an open ring box extended towards him. Nestled inside is a plain golden band, shining with the silver-white lights of the Christmas tree reflecting off the surface. Tendou feels like he’s breathing underwater. 

“I miss you so much it pains me. I wake up alone every morning and wish you were in my bed. I go to practice and think about what it would be like to have you to come home to. I play volleyball and all I want is to see you cheering for me in the crowd. I’m afraid to tell you how much I miss you because I know I’m weak and if you gave me the chance I would quit volleyball in an instant and go to you. I love you, Satori and... I’m sorry if I haven’t been clear enough about my feelings.” 

He sounds so painfully earnest that Tendou wants to cry again. The fireworks are still sounding off behind him but all Tendou can hear is the words ‘I love you’ reverberating in his ears like a Christmas prayer.

Still.

“Get out of the snow before you catch a cold,” he protests, grabbing Ushijima by the elbows and hauling him back up onto his feet. It’s bad enough they’re both still wet in the middle of December without adding to it. 

Ushijima just looks confused now and Tendou sighs, putting his hand on top of the ring box and snapping it shut. 

“You don’t have to propose to me to prove to me you love me, Wakatoshi.”

Planting a hand on his hip, he leans into Ushijima’s space and stares up at him curiously, mouth screwed into an amused pout. Tendou feels lighter somehow, like a massive weight has been lifted from his chest. They really do need to get better at talking to one another like normal people.

“Just, y’know. Tell me you miss me sometimes when we talk on the phone. Text me some dumb photo of a cat or whatever and say it reminded you of me. Say all those thoughts you just said to me now but _when_ you think them. I really don’t need the whole world. I just wanna know you think about me as much as I think about you,” he murmurs, sliding his arms around the other man’s waist. Ushijima nods but Tendou can still see the faint consternation in his face at being refused and chuckles, shaking his head. 

“I’m not saying no, Wakatoshi-kun. I’m just saying not yet. You still have a promise to keep to me first.”

That gets his attention and Tendou’s pretty sure the faint flush spreading across the wing spiker’s face has nothing to do with the cold. He rests his chin against Ushijima’s chest and openly admires how pretty it looks on him, expression soft. 

He wonders if Ushijima is even aware of how difficult it is for Tendou not to accept this proposal. What’s a few months of dating matter when you’ve been hopelessly in love with someone for almost half your life.

Ushijima draws back just enough so he can put the ring away, only to be stopped by Tendou’s hand once more. He plucks the black velvet box up and opens it, admiring the shiny gold band Ushijima had picked out just for him. He wonders how long he’s been carrying this around. 

“I’ll make you a deal,” he hums, stroking his thumb across the cool metal. “I’ll wear the ring as my own promise. That I’ll be more honest with you in the future about my own feelings.”

He looks up at Ushijima, offering him the ring box back. 

“And that I won’t run away or disappear on you again. That I’ll be right here waiting for you no matter what happens in the future.” 

Ushijima goes stiff at Tendou seeing right through him and Tendou smiles faintly at him.

The Guess Monster’s still got it. 

He holds his hand out and has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep silent when Ushijima carefully slips the gold band onto his left ring finger, studying his boyfriend’s face. He looks absolutely wrecked as he stares down at the ring and Tendou isn’t prepared for that expression to suddenly be focused back on his face, knocked breathless by the intensity in those olive eyes. 

Wordlessly, Ushijima lifts Tendou’s hand and presses a soft kiss to the juncture where metal meets skin. 

Time stands still. 

Tendou reaches out to brush the snow out of Ushijima’s hair and then slips down to cradle his palm against his cool cheek, once again stunned by how much he’s able to adore one singular man. 

Ushijima’s lips are cool against his own and Tendou can faintly hear the sound of church bells in the distance singing out twelve distinct notes. 

“Merry Christmas, Wakatoshi-kun,” he whispers into the kiss, allowing Ushijima to tug him against his chest. 

The ring on his finger glitters with the rainbow colors of the fireworks in the sky above them.

🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐

Ushijima’s never seen the inside of Tendou’s apartment before, other than the few glimpses he’s gotten during their video chats. He doesn’t get much of a look at it now either as he crowds Tendou against the first wall he finds and kisses him until they both forget how to breathe.

The walk back from the park had been a blur to him. He remembers Tendou’s laughter, and the sight of him running up ahead of him. The feel of a loose snowball smacking against his chest.

Satori, grinning playfully as snowflakes flurry around him like a cloud. His red hair hangs in wet strings against his forehead and his face is flush from the cold. 

Gold glinting around his finger. 

He’d caught up to him by the time they made it back to the shop and Ushijima had shamelessly crushed their mouths together then and there, not caring who sees them clutching desperately at one another in the dark winter night. Keeping his hands to himself the rest of the way up to Tendou’s apartment had been an impossible expectation.

Dropping his backpack and coat carelessly onto the floor, Ushijima grips Tendou’s slim thighs and lifts him easily, guiding them to wrap around his waist without breaking the kiss for an instant. Tendou’s mouth is like a brand against his own, gasping when Ushijima’s fingers dig into his skin. 

Tendou sheds his own coat as Ushijima carries him down the hallway, relieved when the first room he finds has a bed so he can drop the other man down onto it and really _look_ at him, grateful for the street lamp outside the large picture window for filling the space with a soft white glow.

They never ended up having sex before Tendou had to leave Japan in the summer. Ushijima was too sore and exhausted the first day to do more than curl around his boyfriend and make out lazily in their expensive hotel bed. The remaining time had been filled up by meetings with the team and the preparations for the closing ceremonies.

Ushijima didn’t want to rush their first time back together since high school and Tendou had agreed with him. 

Seeing the redhead spread out in front of him, a whole feast for his own personal enjoyment, Ushijima is glad he waited even if it had been the biggest struggle of his life letting Tendou board that plane without getting to watch him fall to pieces beneath Ushijima first. 

He strips his sweater off without a word and crawls over Tendou, feeling heated when Tendou’s gaze automatically drops to devour the sight of Ushijima’s bare chest. It isn’t vanity for Ushijima to admit he knows he’s attractive; he works hard to maintain his body and it feels good to see Tendou so visibly affected by it.

Ushijima peels Tendou’s shirt over his head and tosses it away, surprised when the man beneath him is suddenly curling his arms across his chest. He’s seen Tendou shirtless before many times in his life. Even as recently as the last video call when Tendou had changed from his work shirt and into a soft t-shirt while Ushijima waited. 

Confidence has never been something Tendou ever lacked, but the Tendou in front of him looks more vulnerable than Ushijima has ever seen. He can almost hear the wheels audibly spinning in his head, no doubt full of falsehoods put there by the careless words of others. 

Ushijima catches Tendou’s hand and tugs it up so he can press a kiss to the ring on his finger, eyes boring down into his.

“You promised not to run away from me anymore,” he murmurs, lips brushing softly against Tendou’s skin with every word. 

They have a stare off for several long moments and Ushijima starts to worry he said the wrong thing when Tendou finally relents, slipping his arm off his torso and baring himself to Ushijima’s burning gaze.

He’s lost some of the muscle he’d had back in high school but he’s still so beautiful, all slender lines and soft, pale skin dotted by moles and freckles Ushijima wants to spend an eternity memorizing. There’s a strength to his arms that belies a new life filled with hauling heavy mixing bowls and metal trays of chocolate, leading down to the delicate taper of slim wrists and long, elegant fingers that occupy many of Ushijima’s wildest fantasies.

“I could spend the rest of my life looking at you,” he admits in a low hum, trailing his fingers across the flat plane of Tendou’s abdomen and dipping briefly into the hollow of his belly button before following the faint line of red hair beneath it towards the waistband of his neat black slacks. 

Tendou lifts his hips wordlessly and allows Ushijima to remove the rest of his clothing, leaving him entirely exposed. Good to his word though he doesn’t try to hide this time, watching as Ushijima glides his palms down slender calves and grips his heel, lifting his leg so he can turn and press a kiss to a graceful ankle. 

He ghosts his lips along the curve of his leg and exhales softly against the inside of Tendou’s knee, enjoying the way this makes him squirm on the bed beneath him. 

“No snarky comments this time, Satori?” 

Tendou flushes red with surprise at being teased and Ushijima smirks, sliding his hand up under Tendou’s other knee and spreading them apart so he can press between his thighs. The redhead opens his mouth to say something, no doubt an _extremely_ snarky comment, only to choke on the words when Ushijima grinds the thick line of his clothed erection down against Tendou’s cock, slim and long and pretty as the rest of his body.

He curves down over him and licks a hot line across the dusky brown bud of a nipple, pleased when Tendou responds beautifully to his touch. Long fingers thread into his hair, gripping onto Ushijima to ground himself as he nips his chest, tormenting his nipple until it’s stiff and sensitive. 

“‘Toshi, please,” Tendou begs, whining low in his throat when Ushijima ignores him and moves over to mouth at his other nipple instead. He thumbs at the spit damp peak of the first just to hear Tendou gasp, lightly scraping his teeth around the second.

The hands disappear from his hair and Ushijima can feel them between their bodies where he’s been rocking his hips against Tendou’s, clever fingers making quick work of the button and zipper of his jeans. He relinquishes Tendou’s nipple, bitten red and tender now from his attentions, and sits up just enough to allow Tendou space to shove his pants and underwear down his thick thighs. 

That’s about as much as he can stand to be separated from the man beneath him though and he slots himself back between those pale, unblemished legs with ease, sighing when there’s no longer anything preventing him from grinding his cock down against Tendou’s. There’s a tube being pressed into his palm and Ushijima doesn’t need to look at it to know what it is, or what Tendou wants. It’s exactly what Ushijima wants, too.

He licks his way into Tendou’s mouth at the same time he slips a thick finger inside his body, shuddering when he already finds the taste of himself still lingering on Tendou’s tongue. Tendou’s arms are around him, clutching him close as Ushijima works him open, slow and unhurried in the quiet stillness of the night. 

Ushijima is certain those strong fingers will leave bruises from the way they dig into his shoulders and he looks forward to admiring them in the mirror later so he can remember this moment. Tendou’s so pliant and easy beneath his touch, gasping Ushijima’s name into the kiss when digits tease across his sensitive prostate.

Tendou had always been somewhat of an enigma to Ushijima, even when they’d been together in high school. Simultaneously an open book who would talk endlessly about his favorite manga character, but so intensely private and unwilling to tell his friends or Wakatoshi anything truly personal about himself. He’d finally started to open up towards him and trust him with more of who he was after they started dating, and then Ushijima had gone and kissed Oikawa Tooru in a fit of youthful stupidity and selfishness, utterly shattering that fragile trust.

But now here he is, open and honest under Ushijima’s touch, strong thighs gripping his hips and head tipped back in a soft moan of pleasure. Ushijima doesn’t deserve this trust from him after what he did, doesn’t deserve this wanting or the tight clutch of Tendou’s body around his fingers as he pulls them out. 

Tendou’s hands slap against his face quite suddenly, forcing Ushijima to look down at him as he pants, already red faced and needy just from being prepped. 

“You’re thinking useless things, Ushijima Wakatoshi. I can hear them rattling around in that big empty head of yours when you should be focusing on fucking me,” he demands heatedly, startling Ushijima out of his melancholic thoughts. 

Tendou always has this way of making Ushijima feel _seen_ that an entire stadium of cheering people could never hope to accomplish. It’s breathtaking every single time. 

He sighs and cradles his hand on top of one of Tendou’s, turning so he can press a reassuring kiss to the sensitive palm. He can feel the solid metal of the ring against his skin and closes his eyes for a moment to drink it in, allowing himself the brief fantasy that they’re already married and this is their wedding night.

He’ll train even harder over the next three years. He’ll win that gold medal and finally make the dream a reality. 

“I love you, Satori.” 

When he opens his eyes again Tendou is smiling fondly up at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. He goes easy when the redhead pulls him down and brushes their mouths together, tasting it on his tongue when Tendou says “I love you” back.

Ushijima lifts off him long enough to finally kick his pants and underwear to the floor and Tendou takes the opportunity to roll over onto his stomach, peering up at Ushijima from over his shoulder and raising his hips ever so slightly in silent invitation. One that Ushijima is more than happy to accept.

He slides his body over Tendou’s and sighs at the heat of his back against him, ghosting his lips across a pale shoulder. When he starts to press inside of Tendou it feels like coming home, wrapping an arm beneath Tendou’s hips to hold him still while Ushijima rocks himself against him. The tight clench of his body around his cock is mind numbing and Tendou whimpers beneath him, pliant and trembling to pieces in his grasp.

Ushijima curls his other arm under Tendou’s shoulders and presses his weight down, stilling his hips against his ass when he finally bottoms out deep inside of him. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since Tendou last had sex, but Ushijima refuses to cause him any pain and settles for kissing a hot line up his neck while he waits for him to adjust. 

Tendou tightens around him when he attempts to move his waist, only to find himself pinned between the thick line of Ushijima’s arm and the rest of him. He’s reduced to squirming instead and Ushijima smothers a smile in the fresh hickey he’s sucked onto Tendou’s shoulder when Tendou moans, low and rumbling in his chest. 

“Wakatoshi, please,” he begs, and finally, _finally_ Ushijima starts to rock into him, barely withdrawing from inside him before he’s grinding back deep inside. Tendou had told him earlier he should focus on fucking him, but Ushijima would hardly describe the way they move together right now as fucking. 

Instead he makes love to Tendou with even, rolling thrusts of his hips, panting wetly against his shoulder. Tendou’s trying to push up against the bed with his elbows and Ushijima withdraws the arm from under his shoulders so he can find Tendou’s hands and pin them down above his head, lacing their fingers and shuddering at the graze of warm metal against his skin. 

“I’m close, Satori,” he breathes into his ear, tasting the sweat that’s accumulating at his temples. Tendou whines beneath him and turns his head again to look over his shoulder at Ushijima, hazy and fucked out. 

“Come inside me.”

Ushijima crushes their mouths together in a desperate, biting kiss, pressing Tendou into the mattress so his cock is grinding up against the blankets with every thrust Ushijima makes into his body. Tendou ripples around him when he orgasms and Ushijima fucks him through it, burying himself deep when he feels his own pleasure cresting and coming harder than he ever has in his entire life. 

And then Tendou goes completely boneless beneath him and Ushijima slips his arm out from under his hips so he can more comfortably sprawl on top of him, still settled snug deep inside of Tendou’s body. He wants to stay here forever, but Tendou is starting to squirm with oversensitivity and Ushijima regretfully draws back just enough so he can slip out of him with a wet squelch. He forces himself to slowly roll over onto his side next to Tendou, staring greedily at the other man as they both come down from their high. Tendou’s eyes are closed and his skin is flush and shiny with sweat, shining faintly in the soft glow of the street lamp outside. 

He’s so beautiful Ushijima can’t stand it. Can’t stand the way he lost so many years of moments like this all because of a selfish, careless mistake. 

Ushijima leans in and steals a soft kiss from pliant lips, humming softly when he feels Tendou’s mouth curve into a smile against his own. He doesn’t know how long they lay there kissing before finally crawling under the covers but his flight doesn’t leave until the day after next and there’s really no rush to be anywhere, so honestly he just does not care.

Tendou wakes him a few hours later by straddling his hips and rocking down against him until they’re both stiff and aching once more. The sun comes up over the horizon just when Tendou’s sinking down onto him and Ushijima swears he has a religious experience as he watches him chase his pleasure, head tossed back and body flexing while daylight bathes him in fiery red and orange hues. 

The sound of his name in Tendou’s mouth has become Ushijima’s favorite sound and he bucks his hips up into Tendou to make him say it again, gripping beneath his knees to spread him open wide on his cock. 

And when it’s all over they lie spooned together beneath the one remaining blanket that hasn’t been kicked to the floor in the midst of their lovemaking. The winter morning is chilly but Ushijima isn’t cold in the slightest, curling his body around Tendou’s and pressing soft, lazy kisses into his sweaty hair. 

The hand with his ring is resting on the bed in front of him as he dozes and Ushijima carefully settles his own on top of it, ghosting his thumb across the smooth gold band. 

Three more years. Three more years until he wins and makes Tendou his once and for all. 

Ushijima will wait an eternity if that’s what it takes.


	2. It's Only Moments (And I'm in Heaven)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving Wakatoshi has always been easy, even when it was hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final part of this particular story! Thanks for sticking with me through this and I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Please be aware that there is a brief reference to past child abuse in this chapter!
> 
> Tendou speaks a line of french in this by the way. French is not my native tongue so please correct me if I got anything wrong. Translation for it is in the end notes!
> 
> "Taking the weights off,  
> To help with the pressure.  
> And I was here stressing,  
> Thinking it mattered.  
> Been with you for hours, but it feels like seconds,  
> It's only moments and I'm in heaven."

Every morning Tendou is awoken by the distant sound of church bells ringing through the air. This morning is no different in that respect, though wildly dissimilar in just about every other way. 

Tired eyes creak open to see Ushijima still asleep next to him and Tendou takes a moment to simply admire how beautiful he is, tan skin glowing in the afternoon sunlight shining in through the window. The whole world is bathed in sparkling white and Tendou takes that as a sign they should spend the entire day in the apartment. Maybe in bed. 

He scoots a little closer to lay his cheek on Ushijima’s tan shoulder and watches him sleep for a few minutes, trailing idle fingers up and down his bare chest. How exactly had he gotten this lucky? Ushijima can literally have his pick of pretty much any person in the world between his looks and his athleticism and yet he’s chosen Tendou Satori. The Guess Monster. The freak. The guy who ran all the way to Paris just to get away from him. 

Tendou catches sight of the ring on his finger and bites his lip to muffle the undignified noise that threatens to tear itself from his chest. He doesn’t want to wake his sleeping beauty just yet, not when he’s quite sure he’s exhausted to the bone between the full day of traveling, the full night of extracurricular activities, and the brutal time difference. 

So he carefully sits up and slips out of bed as stealthily as possible. He grabs his discarded boxers and the first shirt he finds from the floor and creeps out of the room, closing the door behind him as quietly as he can. 

The shirt, it turns out, is Ushijima’s, and Tendou doesn’t regret it in the slightest when he tugs it on and the spicy smell of his boyfriend’s cologne engulfs his senses. The t-shirt falls to just below his hips and he admires it. Enjoys the way the sleeves hang almost to his elbows because they’re not currently straining around thick, delicious shoulders and biceps. 

Tendou has always been gangly and awkwardly tall, but Ushijima has a way of making him feel small. Mostly in good ways, sometimes in bad.

This is definitely a very good way. 

His stomach growls impatiently and he sighs, considering his options on the short trip to his kitchen. He could always make a more traditionally Japanese breakfast, but how many opportunities is he going to get to show off his acquired cooking talents to his boyfriend in the next couple years? Probably not very many.

“Croquer la vie à pleines dents,” he tells the bag of flour on his counter, feeling the grin spreading across his face as a plan starts to take shape in his mind.

Tendou had never been a particularly gifted child. He was good at blocking, and did well in school, but he never really excelled at anything in the way Ushijima and Goshiki did with volleyball, or Semi with his music. In comparison, Tendou felt he was a fairly average person with no real defining characteristics of note. 

That is, of course, until he found baking. 

Fresh off a broken heart, Tendou threw himself into his coursework at the culinary university he attended. He picked up French at a rapid pace with nothing better to do in his spare time except study. Cooking came as naturally to him as spiking did to Ushijima, and it felt like he’d finally found a part of himself he’d always been searching for in high school.

And baking was immediately his absolute favorite. Anything to do with chocolate and sweets, really. He concocted delicate treats of spun sugar and honey, decorated cakes with razor precision, and came up with his own recipes for chocolate candies that impressed his professors. 

After he graduated, his advisor introduced him to a friend of hers who offered Tendou a job at his bakery helping make the cakes and chocolates. Not long later, he helped Tendou secure a loan from the bank to open his own shop and Tendou felt fulfilled in a way he’d never known before.

Much like with blocking, he just has a knack for guessing what flavors might mix well together to create something new and exciting for his customers. He isn’t always right, sure, and Cami may never let him live down the time he tried to convince her that pickle juice might taste good when mixed into chocolate, but he still blocks more spikes than he lets through. 

He doesn’t get a lot of chances to bake now since his shop is mostly dedicated to artisan chocolates and candies, but he still tries to cook as often as he can.

So he hopes Ushijima will like crepes because that’s definitely what’s on the menu this morning. 

Chocolate crepes, to be exact. With sweet cream filling and chocolate sauce on top. 

Ushijima isn’t as huge a fan of sweets as Tendou, but he’s pretty sure after the workout he got last night he can convince his boyfriend to eat just about anything that’s put in front of him. 

The lingering ache in Tendou’s hips is a pleasant reminder and he allows himself to daydream a bit as he places the crepe batter and sweet cream filling he’d just finished making in the fridge to cool for a bit while he works on the chocolate sauce. He hopes Ushijima might be up for more once they’re done with breakfast because Tendou will be disappointed if either of them can still walk by the time Ushijima has to leave. 

He’s well into a dirty fantasy of making out with Ushijima in his chocolate shop when the man himself finally makes an appearance, hair sticking up chaotically and expression bleary with sleep. He looks so soft and sweet standing there in just his shorts and socks that Tendou almost burns the crepe he’d been working on because he can’t bear to look away. 

Ushijima comes up from behind him and curls his arms around Tendou’s waist, burying his face in his shoulder while Tendou continues to pile thin, delicious smelling crepes onto a platter beside the stove. 

“Good morning, Wakatoshi-kun. You looked so tired I decided to let you sleep in for a bit while I made… ah, well I guess it’s lunch by this point,” he hums, reaching up to run his fingers through Ushijima’s messy tangles. All he gets is a small grunt in response, but the arms around his midsection tighten by a fraction. 

Tendou turns the stove off after the last crepe is made and awkwardly waddles himself and his sleepy octopus of a boyfriend over to the island in the middle of the kitchen where he’s set up the sweet cream and chocolate sauce. He flips the stack of crepes so he can start from the bottom ones, which have started to cool in the time since they came off the stove, and uses a small wooden spatula to spread the cream filling over them, rolling them into neat little twists before adding some of the chocolate sauce. 

It’s a messy process, but when you work with chocolate every day you kind of get used to the chaos, so he doesn’t flinch when he accidentally dribbles a streak of chocolate across the back of his hand. Ushijima had apparently been paying attention though, because he barely has a chance to realize the chocolate is even there before Ushijima has caught his wrist and is pulling the hand up towards him.

Tendou knows what’s about to happen but that doesn’t prepare him in the slightest when Ushijima’s tongue darts out and licks away the chocolate cooling on Tendou’s knuckles, shivering at the slight scrape of teeth against skin. He feels overheated watching Ushijima clean the chocolate from his fingers, and the instant the brunette releases him Tendou doesn’t hesitate to pounce, twisting his body to the side so he can chase the taste of cocoa.

It tastes even better when he’s licking it out of Ushijima’s mouth and he abandons his crepe making entirely, dipping his fingers into the chocolate bowl instead to collect more. He acts like he’s about to give it to Ushijima, waiting until his boyfriend is an inch away before he snatches his hand back and pops his fingers into his own mouth, making a torturous show of licking them thoroughly clean. 

Ushijima’s brows furrow and Tendou suddenly finds himself lifted and planted on the countertop with Ushijima slotting himself between his thighs. He laughs and drapes his arms comfortably around the brunette’s bare shoulders, humming as their lips brush together. 

Tendou decides he could definitely get used to his life being like this all the time.

Sleepy, happy mornings spent kissing in his kitchen, licking chocolate off his boyfriend’s lips while Ushijima’s broad hands dig fresh bruises into his thighs. The smell of Ushijima’s cologne lingering on Tendou’s skin from the night before.

The pleasant ache of his hips from how deep Ushijima had been inside of him. 

He draws back just enough so he can get a look at him, admiring the proud arch of his nose and the soft fringe of brown hair that falls against his forehead. Ushijima is, in his quite objective opinion, the most beautiful man that’s ever existed, and Tendou’s the lucky guy who gets to stare at him for the rest of his life. 

“We should probably eat something before we get frisky again,” he teases, immediately contradicting himself when he ghosts his palms over the solid planes of Ushijima’s chest. Built like a Greek god carved from marble and stone, and very much all his. 

Ushijima hums in soft agreement and then his eyes flicker down to the shirt Tendou is wearing, reaching up to finger the hem.

“I like it when you wear my clothes,” he states, voice blunt,looking back up at Tendou with such heat in his gaze that it aggressively threatens his stance on food before sex. He smirks back at him and leans back on his palms, giving Ushijima more room to look all he wants.

“I like it when I wear your clothes, too,” Tendou replies agreeably, laughing when Ushijima grips behind his knees and tugs him closer. The brunette pushes the shirt up and follows it with his mouth, lips brushing against pale skin in a way that makes Tendou shiver. 

“You should keep it.” Ushijima’s voice rumbles up from somewhere around his solar plexus and he exhales shakily, sliding a hand into soft brown hair to scratch absently at his scalp. Ushijima licks across one of his nipples, still tender and oversensitive from his attentions the night before, and Tendou has to bite his lip to muffle the gasp that wants to escape him. 

“Where’s.. Where’s the fun in that, Wakatoshi? That would make it _my_ shirt,” Tendou chuckles breathily, locking his legs around Ushijima’s hips to try and get him even closer. He can feel the thickening line of Ushijima’s cock through the thin layers of their underwear and he suddenly decides that cold crepes are just as good as warm crepes. 

“How about I borrow it and I’ll give it back to you next Christmas when I come visit you in Japan?”

Ushijima pauses in his torment of Tendou’s nipple, releasing the swollen bud and raising his head just enough that he can look Tendou in the eyes. There’s something indescribable lurking in those olive depths and Tendou doesn’t really know what it is, but at the same time he understands exactly what it means. 

“I love you.”

It’s gotten so easy for him to say since the Olympics. Whatever awkwardness with intimacy should have been between them after so many years apart just never seemed to happen, and while Tendou may struggle with being honest about some aspects of himself and his feelings, loving Wakatoshi has never been part of it.

Loving Wakatoshi has always been easy, even when it was hard. 

Ushijima crushes their mouths together in a heated kiss and Tendou meets him with equal ferocity, lifting his hips just enough so his shorts can be tugged down and thrown across the room. He grips onto the edge of the island for balance and scooches himself down enough that he’s where Ushijima needs him to be, watching with burning red eyes as the brunette spits into the palm of his hand and gives himself a few perfunctory strokes. 

It’s filthy and it’s hot and neither of them have the patience for Ushijima to leave in search of proper lubricant right now. He’s still loose enough from last night and while the friction is almost too much, his body accepts Ushijima inside without much complaint. His thighs tremble with the strain of keeping himself from falling off the counter, still wrapped tight around Ushijima’s hips for balance. 

Ushijima’s hands slide into place beneath his knees again and Tendou lets himself sink back into the cool marble a bit, ass clenching around the thick line of Ushijima’s cock. God he’s missed this so much. Why exactly had he agreed to forgo a quickie while he’d been in Japan in the summer? 

And how is he supposed to survive who knows how many months without this now that Ushijima’s flipped that switch inside of him again? He doesn’t remember the sex ever being this good before. 

“Fuck me, Wakatoshi,” he begs breathlessly, pressing his heels into the small of Ushijima’s back in a desperate attempt to make him move. “Fuck me so hard I’ll feel it for weeks after you leave.” 

Ushijima doesn’t need to be told twice and the pace he sets is almost brutal in its efficiency, snapping his hips against Tendou with such force it makes his entire body quiver. The pleasure coursing up his spine from each thrust threatens to melt his brain and Tendou can do little more than hang on for the ride, head tipping back in a silent, open mouthed sob. 

His shoulders ache from supporting his body weight suspended off the edge of the counter but he hardly notices it when Ushijima’s sinking his teeth into the exposed line of his throat with bruising power, sending a searing line of heat to bloom in the pit of Tendou’s stomach. He wants more. More hickeys on his neck, more deep, purpling fingerprints dug into the meat of his hips and thighs. Ushijima’s cock is so deep inside of him he can practically taste it and yet he craves _more._

He’s greedy for Ushijima and he will never have his fill of him no matter what they do or how much they do it and the realization of how fiercely and entirely he’s surrendered himself over to this one man is the thing that truly undoes him. 

“Wakatoshi,” he pants, crying out when Ushijima moves from his throat to his chest, teeth digging into the flesh around a nipple and then scraping harshly across the abused skin. Ushijima’s thrusts have become uneven and sharp, signaling the crest of his own pleasure. 

Tendou looks back up again and meets his gaze, and he wonders briefly what it is that Ushijima sees that makes his breathing pitch so suddenly sharp and rough, strong hands tightening almost painfully around Tendou’s knees. He smiles up at his boyfriend and carefully releases the countertop to reach out to him with one hand, brushing brown bangs back from his sweat sticky forehead so Tendou can get a better look at his face. The gold ring Ushijima gave him glitters warmly on his finger.

“Come inside me again. I want to feel you,” he asks, then tenses and falls back against the counter as his orgasm barrels down on him. He comes across his stomach in thick wet stripes, crying out when Ushijima slams in hard and hits his prostate just right to make his hips stutter in midair. There’s sticky heat inside of him as Ushijima tips over the edge and Tendou relishes it, his entire body trembling with sensitivity when Ushijima rocks himself against his ass. 

It takes some maneuvering to get them both down onto the hardwood floor without Ushijima having to pull out of Tendou, but they manage it with only some minor protesting from Tendou’s now useless, spaghetti noodle arms. He sprawls on top of Ushijima and groans into his neck, pressed chest to chest and straddling his boyfriend with bruised, aching thighs.

Every part of him is sore and he hopes he can find somewhere that will deliver dinner later because there’s no way he’s cooking anything for the rest of the day. 

Ushijima’s got one hand in Tendou’s hair and another is stroking a soothing line up and down his spine, which Tendou can’t help but press up into just a little bit. He mouths lazy kisses against Ushijima’s throat and jaw, just enjoying the fact that he gets to lie in a sweaty, fucked out embrace with the man he thought he’d loved and lost. 

They eventually end up eating those cold crepes right there on the floor, Tendou straddling Ushijima’s lap to keep his aching ass off the unforgiving tile. He laughs as Ushijima folds one into an awkward, lumpy triangle and dips it into the chocolate first, then the sweet cream, accepting the crepe when Ushijima silently offers it to him. 

“You know, my advisor would be scandalized if she saw me letting you eat them this way,” he teases, waiting for Ushijima to eat a crepe of his own before he leans in to lick the taste of chocolate from his lips. He can think of a few other things that might scandalize her, like when Ushijima decides he’s had enough crepes and yanks Tendou back in for a scorching, open mouthed kiss.

Tendou doesn’t think much about her or anyone else after that.

🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐🍫🏐

Ushijima puts the last dish on the drying rack and considers what to do next.

There’s the obvious option of joining Tendou during his shower, but he knows what will happen if he does that and decides he should give the man a break for a while. All impulsive, needy urges to claim him aside, he doesn’t actually want to _hurt_ him. 

Though the deep, purpling bruises he’s left all over Tendou’s body are sure to be a little uncomfortable as they heal. He can’t bring himself to regret any of it though and he makes the mistake of remembering how absolutely debauched Tendou had looked beneath him with reddening hickeys on his throat and chest, Ushijima’s shirt rucked up around his armpits, and a hazy, fucked out expression on his face that begged Ushijima to ruin him utterly. 

It’s difficult to control himself when it comes to Tendou. 

So he forces himself to stay away from the bathroom and instead wanders around the apartment to explore, since he’s so far only gotten to see the kitchen, the bedroom, and the bathroom. 

It’s surprisingly tidy, all things considered. He remembers a teenage Tendou being a little more messy and disorganized, though that had largely been due to a lack of space and proper furniture. He grimaces faintly when he remembers what Tendou’s childhood bedroom looked like, with a thin futon laid out on the floor and a mountain of Jump magazines stacked against the wall beside it. He had a small lap desk and a lamp for doing homework, and only just enough clothing to fill maybe half his closet. 

His toiletries were kept in a little caddy at the foot of his bed along with a box of various food items, as if he’d been banned from showing any signs of his existence outside the tight confines of his bedroom. 

Ushijima has only ever met Tendou’s mother once, when he showed up at the Tendou residence to beg for her help in locating her son. In hindsight he should have known she’d likely be the last one Tendou would ever trust with his plans, if she’d even cared to hear them, but he’d been desperate and out of options at that point. 

He recalls the day in their first year when Tendou had come to practice with a black eye. He’d stood stock still and taken the lecture their coach had given him about getting into fights and being an embarrassment to the team with a smile on his face, refusing to defend himself against accusations Ushijima would later come to learn were false. 

It wasn’t until the end of their final year that Tendou finally admitted his Mom was the one that gave him the bruises that always lingered on his body, more easily passed off as injuries from practice than the black eye had been. That she’d only stopped in his final year because he’d finally grown too tall and strong from playing volleyball to be an easy target for her. 

He also knows about the bullies who made Tendou’s life hell when he was in elementary and middle school, too. The names they called him and the misery they inflicted upon an already suffering boy. 

And then Ushijima, the one who always swore he’d never hurt him like that, broke his heart the worst of all.

And yet after all that here Tendou stands. Healthy. Alive. A successful chocolatier with his own shop and staff. And perhaps most amazingly of all, he’d forgiven Ushijima and found it in his heart to love him still even after all he’d done. 

Tendou Satori is the most amazing person he’s ever known and he wishes he could shout it from the rooftops that he belongs to Ushijima. 

Soon, though. Ushijima has no intention of letting this drag into the 2028 Olympics. He’ll win the gold and marry Tendou in three years if he has to personally hit every single spike, serve, and receive himself. 

Some might call it arrogance. To Ushijima it’s just a statement of fact. 

The other room down Tendou’s hallway turns out to be some kind of work space, with a desk covered in graph paper and various colored pencils. This must be where he plans out his new designer chocolates and treats, Ushijima decides, and closes the door quickly before he disturbs anything. He knows Tendou had recently been invited to some convention type event for bakers and confectioners and no doubt the plans on the desk are the beginnings of what he intends to bring to that. 

He doesn’t want to sneak a peek, though. He wants to wait until Tendou’s perfected his design, knowing full well he’ll get the first glimpse at what it looks like as long as he’s patient. 

With that decided, Ushijima is left with the living room. 

It’s fairly homey despite how much Tendou works. A flat screen television is mounted on the wall with a shelf beneath it for the blu-ray player and what Ushijima believes is the latest Playstation. The bookcases on either side of the television screen are filled with various manga, dvds, and video games, neatly organized by type and, apparently, even alphabetized.

He turns to look at the deep, blue fabric couch and is immediately distracted by what is covering the wall above it, finding himself once again surprised by the mystery that is Tendou Satori. 

Close to the ceiling and dead center is Ushijima’s team Japan jersey from the summer, encased in one of those frames designed for clothing memorabilia and still bearing the autograph Tendou had teased him into signing beneath the Japanese flag embroidered on the breast. He’d joked he would sell it online and Ushijima half believed him considering there really wasn’t a purpose to holding onto such an odd collectible.

And yet here it is, framed and mounted on Tendou’s wall like it’s the thing he’s most proud of. The lanyard he’d given him dangles off the edge of it, still loudly declaring JAPAN, VOLLEYBALL in large block letters. 

Surrounding the jersey in a more chaotic arrangement are framed photos of various sizes, and Ushijima approaches them with his heart thumping wildly in his throat.

There are several of what seems to be the chocolate shop on opening day. A blond woman with round glasses that Ushijima guesses must be his assistant smiling beside him in front of large glass windows displaying neat rows of little chocolates and treats. More photos with other members of Tendou’s growing staff over the past couple years, and an older woman he must know from his culinary school days.

A life that Tendou has lived without Ushijima and feels almost foreign to him. 

The remaining photos, though… 

Ushijima’s eyes rake across photo after photo of their days at Shiratorizawa. Pictures of their teammates and friends, on and off the court. Framed clippings from news articles about their victories, carefully transported to France and preserved beneath plexiglass. Ushijima is in several of these and he’s once again struck breathless by how little he truly understands about Tendou Satori.

He pauses when he notices the large cork board mounted on the wall at the end of the couch and is surprised to see the Adlers Eagle all over it. Enamel pins lined up in tidy rows on the left while keychains dangle off push pins on the right. And if he’d been emotional before it comes nowhere near how he feels when the sight of one familiar keychain in particular suddenly sparks several realizations all in one singular moment. 

This particular keychain is recognizable to Ushijima because he had, in fact, created the design himself. It had been a special, highly limited run for an event his team had participated in back in 2017 where each member designed their own collectible keychain. It could only be bought on location and they’d sold out almost as soon as the doors opened. He’d only been able to get one for himself because it was his design, but he’s never once seen any of the team’s keychains pop up online for resale so how could Tendou possibly have it? 

In fact, the closer he looks at the collection of Adlers memorabilia the more he recognizes other event and game exclusives mixed in with the more commonly available ones. 

That’s when Tendou finally enters the living room, freshly showered but still wearing Ushijima’s t-shirt and looking so sweetly, beautifully soft that he almost forgets how to breathe again. The redhead goes stiff when he sees the keychain in Ushijima’s hand and the color filling his face is nearly as bright as his hair. 

Clearly he’d forgotten about his collection and what Ushijima might think if he saw it. 

“How?” Ushijima demands, perhaps a bit more harshly than intended with the burdening weight of wild, unfettered hope currently crushing his chest and threatening to snap his ribs like brittle twigs. He holds up the keychain and shakes it a little, staring at Tendou with all the intensity of a wildfire.

“ _How._ ”

Tendou fidgets with the hem of Ushijima’s t-shirt and it speaks to how absolutely encapsulated he is with the dilemma of the keychain that Ushijima is barely even affected by the shape of his hands rendered in dark purples and blues against Tendou’s pale, slim thighs.

“Online proxies, mostly. But Tsutomu and Reon-kun helped sometimes with the harder to get stuff,” Tendou admits finally, looking absolutely mortified to have been figured out. 

Reon. The sports company he worked for had hosted the special event to promote their new line of volleyball sneakers and apparel. He must have gotten his hands on Ushijima’s keychain before the doors had even opened to the public. 

Which means Tendou has been buying his things long before they made up only a few short months ago. 

Which _means_... Ushijima isn’t actually sure. He’s still struggling to comprehend that the keychain in his hand is even real. That he hasn’t just passed out on the couch waiting for his boyfriend to finish showering and he’s dreaming feverishly of a world in which Tendou Satori has been collecting his merchandise for years, even after Ushijima betrayed him. 

“Why?” he asks, and this time his voice is soft, almost pleading. He needs to know and if Tendou doesn’t tell him he might actually die with want of an answer. 

Tendou shrugs an awkward shoulder, peering up at him through the shower damp fringe of his bangs.

“I’ve never missed a game, Wakatoshi.”

Ushijima’s heart stops beating in his chest and he can barely hear it when Tendou keeps speaking over the ringing echoing in his ears. 

“I admit, I was devastated after what you did at graduation. I spent a lot of time wondering if I hated you. If I should hate you. If I even _could_ hate you. But my curiosity got the better of me when Semi told me you’d gotten picked for the starting lineup of the Schweiden Adlers, and I decided to watch your debut game,” Tendou explains in a low murmur, gaze dropping to the carpet between them. He’s anxiously twisting the gold ring around his finger and Ushijima resists the urge to cross the room and gather him into his arms.

He’s afraid if he so much as breathes it’ll make Tendou stop talking and he desperately does not want that more than anything in the world.

“Watching you play volleyball… has always made me feel at peace. There’s always so many thoughts in my head all the time, and it can get so overwhelming sometimes I can’t stand to be in my own body. I was in a new country with no friends, learning a new language, and struggling to keep up with my course load on top of a full time job to afford the cost of my tuition and expenses. It was so much I considered whether I should just give up, but then I saw you fly again and I just felt… calm. Settled. Like it was when we played together in high school. And it all seemed a little less terrifying.” Tendou looks up at him and the way he smiles so tenderly at Ushijima breaks his heart into a million pieces.

This time Ushijima doesn’t stop himself from moving. He’s in front of Tendou in an instant and crushing the other to his chest, keychain still clutched tightly in his hand. He’s struck by the sheer ferocity of his feelings for him, burying his face in red hair that smells distinctly like strawberry shampoo.

“I love you,” he growls into the top of Tendou’s head, sounding just about as wrecked as he feels in that moment. 

Tendou’s arms are wrapping around him, clinging just as tightly to Ushijima as Ushijima clutches to him. 

“I love you too,” he whispers into Ushijima’s throat, and Ushijima drops the keychain in favor of nudging his fingers under Tendou’s jaw, tipping his head back so he can brush his lips against the other man’s. Tendou drops his hands from his back and Ushijima only has a second to stress over why before broad palms are cradling his face, breaking the kiss. 

“Why are you crying?” Tendou asks and Ushijima finally notices the dampness clinging to his eyelashes, wincing when Tendou brushes away the tears from his cheeks. 

“Because I don’t deserve you. Because I love you so much and every day we’re apart is actual agony. Because I look at you and I’m so overwhelmed by how deeply I feel for you that I can’t even find the words that adequately describe it and every day I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and discover it’s all been a dream,” he breathes, resting his hands over the back of Tendou’s, desperately trying to commit all of this to memory. 

Tendou shakes his head and sighs, leaning in to bump his forehead against Ushijima’s. 

“You don’t get to decide whether you deserve me or not. That’s my call, and I feel like I’ve made myself pretty clear on where I stand,” he says firmly, raising his ring finger slightly so Ushijima feels the warm metal move against his cheek. 

“I love you, Ushijima Wakatoshi. What happened in the past is in the past where it belongs. I care about the future. Our future. And in three years you’re going to march into my chocolate shop with a gold medal in your hand and get down on one knee. Maybe I give you this ring back before the games start, maybe you get a new ring. I don’t know. What I _do_ know is you’re going to ask me to marry you again and this time I’m gonna say yes. You hear me? This is what I’ve chosen. _You_ are who I’ve chosen.”

Ushijima closes his eyes tight and just… breathes. Lets Tendou’s words wash over him and sink into his skin like a brand. It’s difficult for him, feeling so raw and exposed. He’s used to being the impenetrable one. The Captain that has to be strong for his team when they lose. The man who silently bears the weight of failing the one he loves and being unable to find him year after year.

But perhaps, just for this one moment as Tendou leans up to press a soft kiss to his brow, he can let himself be vulnerable. Can put his faith in the gentleness of Tendou’s hands and believe that Tendou will be there to put him back together again when he shatters. 

Ushijima isn’t sure how long they stand there holding one another, suspended in time and space in the peaceful quiet of Tendou’s living room. He’s tired though when he finally draws back, more than willing to be guided down to sit on the couch. 

“I’ll be right back,” Tendou murmurs, pressing a kiss to his forehead before he disappears around the corner. It gives Ushijima a moment to finally catch his breath and he sinks back into the couch with a deep, shaky sigh, feeling somehow lighter than he has in such a long, long time. 

Tendou’s going to say yes. 

Ushijima is going to propose and Tendou is going to say _yes._

He looks up when Tendou comes back into the room and whatever words he’d been about to say to him immediately die on his lips because Tendou has changed his clothes and this- 

_This._

Tendou has a bag of popcorn in one hand and two bottles of coke in the other and oh yes. He’s standing there in a tight pair of black shorts and a Schweiden Adler’s jersey and Ushijima does not need to even see the bold number 11 stitched onto the front to know it’s his.

It’s enormous on him, and if Ushijima were a guess monster himself he might just think that Tendou had purchased it in Ushijima’s size. He won’t deny that there’s a dark, possessive part of himself that likes seeing Tendou in his clothes, but seeing him with Ushijima’s name and number emblazoned right on his body is a whole new level of claim.

He resolves to send him every single jersey from the past several seasons that’s currently hanging untouched in his closet just so Tendou can wear them all the time. 

“Do you like it? I know it’s probably a little weird,” Tendou mumbles and Ushijima realizes with a start that he’s been staring blankly at Tendou for the last minute, struck completely speechless by the sight of him. In his defense, it is quite the stunning sight.

Miles of pale legs covered in marks Ushijima put on him. A string of hickeys starting at the collar of the jersey and snaking high across his throat. 

He doesn’t know where his phone ended up but he needs to take a picture before he leaves, if Tendou will allow it. He wants to keep this moment forever. 

“Satori.” 

Tendou crosses the room and goes down easily onto Ushijima’s lap when he’s pulled, straddling his thighs and smiling so sweetly at him it makes his heart skip a beat. He divests Tendou of his cargo and then laces their fingers together, tugging them close so he can press a soft kiss to the golden ring. It’s definitely becoming a habit, but he hopes Tendou might forgive this one indulgence. 

“I thought we could watch a movie before I figure something out for dinner,” the redhead hums, grinning at him like he’s hung the stars in the sky.

Honestly though, he’ll do anything Tendou wants if it means he can stay seated in Ushijima’s lap. At some point he desperately needs to take a shower but that would mean a halt to the aforementioned desire to keep Tendou right where he is and that means it’s going to have to wait. 

He hadn’t realized the major flaw in his plan as Tendou stands up anyways and goes to pick a movie from his expansive collection, though it does afford Ushijima a stunning view of his ass in those tiny black shorts when he bends over and selects from one of the lower shelves. He doesn’t even blink when Tendou looks back at him and smirks, knowing full well that he’s absolutely being teased. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi is not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Especially not when that gift horse is as attractive as Tendou. 

The chocolatier settles down on the couch beside Ushijima and leans into him, long legs bundled neatly beneath himself as he nudges his way under Ushijima’s arm. The movie starts and Ushijima is pretty sure it’s some American superhero movie he vaguely remembers seeing ads for last year?

He honestly can’t say for sure though because he spends most of the time just watching his boyfriend. 

And when Ushijima falls asleep that night with Tendou wrapped around him he finally feels completely and utterly at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> croquer la vie à pleines dents - french idiom, to live life to the fullest / take a bite out of life
> 
> In this house Ushijima Wakatoshi has a lot of feelings and he's allowed to cry a little okay.
> 
> I wanted to take a moment to look more in depth into his insecurities with this chapter regarding Tendou and the years they spent apart. Give him the chance to feel his feelings for a bit. He sometimes gets portrayed as this like perpetually flat faced emotionless rock, but he's not without feeling he's just... a little not great at expressing it all the time. 
> 
> I'm definitely going to be writing more in this series so feel free to subscribe to it or follow me over on twitter @bokutowl12 if you wanna see updates and wip posts. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on twitter [@ushitendous](https://twitter.com/ushitendous) (´• ω •`) ♡ I'll be posting more wips and snips from the things I'm working on the future so keep an eye out!
> 
> Sorry if this is super corny sappy cheesy but i just want them to be happy okay :((((
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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